Divine Romance: Intermezzo No. 1

This is another in a series of guest posts by Clarence:

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. (Rom. 2:1 NIV)

I can recall at least two instances in my life where my father displayed any kind of affection towards me. One was when I was 5 or 6 y.o. as I lay in a hospital bed recovering from surgery to remove a clot from my ear, suffered as a result of hitting my head against the headboard of a bed. How did I hit my head against the headboard you ask? Keep in my mind we were 5 y.o. when I explain how I was jumping up and down on a bed with a girl, named Michelle.

My family had gone over to a friend’s house for a party, the occasion for which I can’t recall, but I do recall how even at 5 y.o. I was smitten with Michelle. We hit it off so well, but what do you do to have fun with a girl when you’re 5, but use her parents’ bed as a trampoline? So, there we were jumping up and down on the bed, having a great time, and the next thing I know I’m waking up in a hospital bed with a needle in my arm, bandages around my head, and my father kneeling down beside my bed, his head bowed down resting against his hands, clasped together in prayer. It’s one of the few touching memories I have of my father.

The other actually came after his death when, while at his funeral, one of his employees approached me and explained that when I called my dad for Father’s day that year, he stopped everything he was doing, stuck his head out of his office door, and instructed his secretary to hold all his calls; demanding that he not be bothered, explaining, “I’m talking with my son.” To this day I find it difficult to hold back the tears as I picture that event.

A year previous to that Father’s Day phone call, I had a blow-up with my father regarding his other wife and family. A cousin with whom I was close felt it difficult to hide from me the fact that my father had another family, especially since she regularly interacted with my half-brothers and half-sisters. She confided this fact with me and I, in my sanctimony, self-righteousness and moral superiority, took it upon myself to confront, challenge and call my father on his indiscretion. In my immaturity, ignorance, and naiveté I thought I could turn my father from the “dark side” [1]. Suffice it to say, that I failed miserably as my father rejected and dismissed my “authority” to question, challenge, and confront him on this issue. I returned to school in San Diego with my tail between my legs, my ego bruised and bitter feelings towards my father. In college I served as a writing tutor helping other students with their writing.

During the previous semester I got to know a student while helping her on a couple of her papers. We reconnected this next semester and became friends. We were both commuter students and since the tutoring session was our last class of the day, I routinely escorted her back to her car. The time it took to walk back to our cars provided ample opportunity to get to know each other. She was aware of my course of study and eventual goal to be a Catholic priest. This caused her to trust me and, over time, confide in me. I provided a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. One thing, however, led to another and we eventually became physically intimate. It was a short-lived affair as she was already married – a fact of which I was already aware.

This event caused much pain, regret, remorse and self-condemnation. It was a major “hot stove” experience for me. There’s an adage that says, “An unguarded strength is a double weakness”. I’m acutely aware of the accuracy of this adage in my life. As someone about to enter the priesthood, I prided myself on my ability to resist sexual temptation, my resolve to take a vow of celibacy, which was “evidence” of my commitment to God, which only fed the conceit that I would be that much closer to God, morally superior, more virtuous and further along that “stairway to heaven”[2] than the average person. The irony wasn’t lost on me. When the fog of passion cleared and I fully realized what I had done, I could personalize David’s experience when God used Nathan the prophet to rebuke David over his acts of adultery and murder[3]. I realized with greater clarity my hypocrisy much like Moses, perhaps, when challenged by his fellow Israelites after he had killed the Egyptian[4]; though in my case, I killed the Egyptianafter I lectured my brothers against the same.

The realization of my moral failure and hypocrisy prompted a letter and phone call to my father asking his forgiveness for my presumption, arrogance and pride; a call I’m glad to have made, and a letter I’m thankful to have written before his death. I find that the longer I walk with God, the closer I get to Him, the nearer I come to the “Father of Lights”[5]; the more His Light is shed on my sinfulness, the more clearly I see my depravity, the wickedness and deceitfulness of my heart - so much so that, increasingly, the sobering reality sets in how that, “…all [my] righteousnesses (sic) are like filthy rags…”[6]; serving to further dispel any stubbornly persistent delusions of personal righteousness apart from, and independent of, God. The subsequent years have proven to be my “humiliation in Midian” - a continued humbling, a sanctification process, a becoming more like Jesus; so that one day, perhaps, I may also say, “I do only what I see the Father doing”[7]. I fully expect this to be a life-long process, but however long it takes I trust, “…that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”[8], or at least until DAD calls me Home.

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Pr.16: 18 NIV)

“A man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.” (Proverbs 6:32 NIV)

“Brothers if anyone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted…if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” (Gal. 6:1 NIV)

“You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.^” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Mt. 5:27-28 NIV)

“…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23 NIV)

“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…” (John 8:6-8 KJV)

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16 NIV)

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.” (Psalm 51:1-4 NIV)

“Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18 NIV)

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 NIV)

“Youth is wasted on the young.” (George Bernard Shaw)

“And isn't it ironic, don't you think A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think” (Ironic, Alanis Morissette)

"Sweet the sin, Bitter the taste in my mouth" (Running to Stand Still, U2)

“You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." (Luke 7:46-47 NIV)

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[1] Star Wars, 1977

[2] “Stairway to Heaven”, Led Zeppelin

[3] 2 Samuel 12

[4] Exodus 2:11-4 NIV

[5] James 1:17 KJV

[6] Isaiah 64:5-7 NKJV

[7] John 5:19 NIV

[8] Philippians 1:6 NIV

The Melancholy Princess

Guest Post by Clarence

Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” (Malachi 2:15-17 NLT)

I did a quick search and discovered there are only 6 instances in which the Bible explicitly states that “God” or “the Lord” “hates” something. It’s a noteworthy event given how seldom the Bible states how God “hates” something.

Why is divorce such an object of derision, disdain and disregard in God’s view? Perhaps an experience I had on my return trip from Texas this past Easter weekend might shed some light on why God has such a strong opinion about divorce. I enjoyed a visit with friends over the Easter weekend in Texas.

My best friend and his wife flew me down from KC and had me stay with them for the weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed myself as I visited with old and new friends. I always look forward to such sweet fellowship. But as is the case with life in this world, nothing lasts, and I soon found myself making the trip back home to KC.

I flew Southwest Airlines, and if you’re familiar with Southwest, you sit anywhere you can find a seat. I scanned the first few rows and found an open middle seat in the second row between an older lady seated in an aisle seat and a little girl by the window. I initially thought the middle seat may have been for the little girl's parent, but I asked the old lady if anyone was sitting between them, to which she responded, “No”. I asked if I could sit between them and the old lady said “Yes” and got up to let me to slip by her. I thanked “Jan”, whose name I later learned, and after I settled down between them, I proceeded to catch some sleep, but was soon awakened by the sound of crying.

I turned to my right and noticed the little girl crying. She was trying to hide her tears, but couldn’t as she cried in the manner of children with that quick succession of gasps punctuated by sobs, accompanied by a torrent of tears. I asked her if she was ok. She shook her head no, as the tears continued to stream down her face. I turned to my left and Jan, perhaps seeing the perplexity and consternation on my face, explained that the girl’s parents had recently divorced; and after having visited her dad in Dallas was returning to her mother in Detroit. I turned my attention back to her and my heart went out to this melancholy cherub. I thought to myself, “How could a father let his 6 y.o. daughter fly alone under such circumstances?” I knew that if he could only see his broken-hearted, grief-stricken, sad little princess at that moment his own heart would break and he would doeverything (perhaps even called off divorce if he could see then what I saw now) in his power to comfort her and stop those tears.

I was convinced of this because that’s exactly how I felt. I felt helpless flustered, and frustrated in my desire to scoop her up in my arms and wipe away the tears, but could not, for obvious reasons. So, I did the next best thing and tried to bring a smile to her face. I obtained a gift bag from the flight attendant, which contained an activity book that had mazes, word scrambles, crossword puzzles, and connect-the-dots exercises. I offered it to her along with a little packet of tissues, which Jan volunteered. I introduced myself and found out her name was, “Alyssia” (She later made a point of explaining to me that she dotted the “i” with a heart) Slowly, her tears subsided as I inquired about her visit with her dad and all that she did while in Texas, which she happily recounted. Eventually, she turned her attention to the activity book and enlisted my help in completing some of the exercises. I actually found 8 or 9 (but who’s counting?) of the 12 words in the word scramble, and despite her reluctance to do the crossword I was instrumental in helping her finish it.

Eventually we landed in KC, where I was to disembark while she continued on to Detroit. I leaned over and said, “Do you want to know a secret?” She looked up at me and nodded, “yes”. “Jesus loves you.” I told her. She looked at me with those bright blue eyes, and innocently asked, “Who’s Jesus?” My heart sank as I realized that she had never been told about God or Jesus. I didn’t have time to explain in detail so I said that, “Jesus is God and He will find you so you can be with Him in Heaven one day.” “Are you going to be there?” she asked. “Yes, of course. I'll see you there in 80yrs or so - deal?” She agreed and we high-fived. As I exited the row, she jumped up and offered me a set of plastic wings she received in her gift bag. I thanked her, and as I walked through the airport, wings in hand, I prayed that God would protect her and keep her safe.

I don’t know the details of her parents' divorce, and I’m sure there’s two sides to every story, but it’s my experience that, more often than not, the husband, in his role as the spiritual head of his family can do much to repair and strengthen his marital relationship. It’s his role as a spiritual warrior to defend his family by #1, guarding his own heart, battling in prayer against the “powers” and “principalities”[1] intent on his family’s destruction, and nurturing his wife as a gardener tends to his garden, “…cleansing her by the washing with water through the word”[2]. It’s our failure as men to see our role as spiritual warriors in submission to God, who endows us with the authority to head our families, enabling us to nurture our sisters in Christ and protect the families we are blessed to have with them; a failure resulting in a 50% divorce rate in the best case, and husbands killing wives and loved ones, in the worst case. It’s the tragic result of a failure to recognize that we are not, nor is anything we have, truly our own, that “in body and spirit you are his”.

“Dear God, would You bless me and my brothers today, helping us recognize in greater measure our identity as sons of God, princes of the King of Kings, and to walk, therefore, this day, in victory over the devil, the world and our own flesh, becoming more and more the husbands, fathers, sons and brothers You want us to be. I ask this in Jesus’ Name. Amen. “

“You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” (Song of Solomon, 4:12 NIV)

"Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits." (Song of Solomon, 4:16)

"Catch the foxes for us,The little foxes that are ruining the vineyards,While our vineyards are in blossom." (Song of Solomon, 2:15 NASB)

"For the Son of Man has come to seek and save that which was lost." (Luke 19:10 NKJV)

"I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride" (Song of Solomon, 5:1)

"Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?" (Pr. 20:6)

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Rev. 21:4 NIV)

“Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.” (Anna B. Warner, 1820 -1915)

[1] Ephesians 6:12

[2] Ephesians 5:26

The Winter of [My] Discontent

Guest Post by Clarence:

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Mt.16:26 NKJV)

My father died at 54 of his first and only heart attack.  They found him dead on the plane during a layover in Hawaii returning from a trip to the Philippines.  He had just interviewed for a cabinet position for the incoming administration of Fidel Ramos.  He was at the prime of his life.  It was an abrupt ending to such a promising career and real American success story.  

If I could provide some background:  My father was born into a family of moderate means, as his parents were both teachers.  And if teaching isn’t a lucrative profession here in the U.S., it’s less so in the Philippines.  He was the 3rd child in a family of 10 kids.  He fought and struggled for everything he got.  Eventually, he became a lawyer in the Philippines in a climate of political instability.  He was involved in politics and wrote decrying the graft and corruption of the then-democratic government of Ferdinand Marcos.  He understood the political climate, the dictatorial tendencies of the Marcos regime, and foresaw the coming declaration of martial law.  To avoid political persecution, therefore, he joined the “brain drain” of intellectuals and professionals leaving the Philippines that occurred prior to Ferdinand Marcos’ eventual declaration of martial law and reign as a dictator through the 70s and 80s.  

He and my mom arrived in NYC, in this land of opportunity.  And finding himself in a new country, he worked hard to provide for a young family, selling life insurance.  I still remember him occasionally (when baby sitters were unavailable) taking me, my sister, and brother who was still in diapers along with him to appointments.  I recall him taking us to these tenement buildings and knocking on apartment doors.  When the occupants asked, “Who is it?” he cried out, “Insurance man!” and they would let us in.  I think it helped him close some deals by toting us around.  

While providing for us selling insurance, he was also self-studying for the bar exam that would allow him to practice law in the U.S.  I still recall him seated at the kitchen table, reading law books late at night, writing notes and typing papers.  His hard work finally paid off when while I was in 3^rd grade he passed the bar exam and was able to practice law in the U.S. and eventually serve as a judge.  It’s a true American success story and an example of how hard work, determination and perseverance can result in achieving one’s goals and dreams.  

With that background, it’s easier to understand my father’s drive and desire for us to succeed.  He envisioned that I would one day follow in his footsteps, become a lawyer, and join him in his practice.  Being the eldest, however, much was expected of me, and when I failed to meet those expectations, bore the brunt of his disappointment at the end of a belt.  The corporal punishment, however, wasn’t the kind delivered by a loving parent, concerned with “…train[ing] a child in the way he should go”[1], offering reassuring words of his continued love and attempts to comfort at the end; but delivered, rather, with a meanness, vindictiveness and malice reserved for one’s enemy (evidenced by the bruises both physical and emotional).  

I have to admit that his bark was worse than his bite, as even the mere raising of his voice would unnerve, disturb and perplex me, especially when he grew impatient with me.  As a result, I feared my father and his outbursts, and distanced myself from him as I adopted passive/aggressive behaviors[2] (e.g. procrastination, depression, avoidance, etc.), as a defense mechanism to cope with the stress of my early childhood - a fault and weakness against which I guard as an adult.  

Compounding this paternal dysfunction was the fact of his absenteeism due not so much to career as to his infidelity towards our mother.  My father had another wife while still married to our mother – a secret he kept well-hidden from us.  After his death, I came to know my half-brothers and sisters (all 6 of them) and learned of the warm, loving and fond memories they had of him.  I was actually jealous of the affection my half-siblings received from my father.  I envied them their warm memories of my father and close relationship they enjoyed with him. Maybe he distanced himself from us, because he loved his other wife more, I don’t know, but I felt gypped, deprived, and cheated of having a dad.  Please understand, I love my father, but I hated what he did to us.  I trust he’s in heaven (based on reports of his accepting Christ later in life), but we still had to live with the effects of “…the sins of the fathers.”[3] I can’t speak for my siblings as, “…each heart knows its own bitterness…”[4], (perhaps matters of the heart, feelings and emotions is the proper province of relativism) but this paternal dysfunction was instrumental in my early development and produced in me a “quiet defiance” towards my father and authority.  It was also during this period in my life (jr. high – H.S.) that I began to seriously doubt the existence of God, and even contemplate suicide. 

"All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy (1875-77)

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home dad? I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then (“Cats in the Cradle”, Harry Chapin)

“Hate the sin, love the sinner” (Mahatma Gandhi)

"The unexamined life is not worth living." (“Apology”, Socrates) 

Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? (Pr. 20:6)

No one else can know your sadness, and strangers cannot share your joy (Pr.14:10 NCV)

“Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, Amplified)

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Mt.18:5-6)

*Richard III, Shakespeare

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[1] Proverbs 22:6

[2] http://www.livestrong.com/article/14713-eliminating-passive-aggressiveness/

[3] Psalm 79:8

[4] Pr. 14:10

Knowing God as our Father, revised

Knowing God as our Father

Finding ourselves in the spirit of our God & Christ and having faith enough to love and believe in them, can take some people long enough to, or too long to, accomplish without throwing in the title of Father. Calling God that and truly feeling as if he is our Father, one and only Father.
Especially if we don’t truly know what a “father” is, or what you’re supposed to feel or think about him in that way.
I feel like that most people who are trying seek God as our “Father”, barrel into this task expecting to be able to instantly or instinctively feel and call this person (practically a stranger) “father”, ”dad”, ”daddy”, ”papa”.
This route I feel is the longest way around, to move through the walls that completely keep us from bonding with God this way.
If there are walls between you and something you want with all your heart, like seeing the God’s face. Would you just stand there talking to the wall and praying that the wall would just miraculously fall down or disappear, or would you try to find away around it?
Going through the walls isn’t an option, because you’ve already been through what put the walls there to begin with, and that wasn’t much fun. Was it?
So the next option is to go around. The wall has an opening some where; it has to, the only walls with no end, in or out, is the walls we’ll see in heaven around our new home. Our walls aren’t anything compared to those, so getting to the other side of our walls to talk to God should be simple as pie.
Now, the walls we have are blocking our view of God as our “Father”.
What do we do about that?
We lose the “father” part of our idea or our God.

"WHAT!!! God not as our “father”? Stop believing that way?"
"Your crazy and wrong and why should I listen to you?"

Thoughts that might have just gone through your mind, unless you’re truly opened minded.
Don’t jump to any conclusions yet.
Did I say to lose that idea “forever”? NOOO!
It’s only a temporary fix to get back to where you really want to be.
Refer back to when I called God, ”practically a stranger”.
To most of us he is. All we really know about him is what we read in the bible or hear from others, but until we can truly speak to him ourselves or really feel him and be in his presence we will not truly know him.
So, how do you come to know a stranger? You befriend them.
The two of you become friends and you talk, you share plans, ideas, and dreams. You both start on the same level, getting to know each other over & over.
You wouldn’t walk up to a perfect stranger and call him “dad” or “father”. Even an earthly father, who has done wrong by you and/or been out of your life for years, could not walk back into your life, after being rehabilitated or born again and expect you to call him “dad”. (He could but he would also be insane.)
It would take time and a lot of trust building, some getting to truly know one another again. You would have to be friends first and work up to the “father” "daddy” part.
This same idea applies to knowing or relearning, and loving God and being able to call him Father.
The 1st step is to bring God back down to our level. He is already on our level and has been from the first day he created earth, but we have to start viewing him there. People try to raise him up to a place we can never reach. We put him high up out of reach and its no wonder people struggle their whole life and never truly know him.
Sure we need to exalt him and praise him because he’s great and mighty but we need to bring him back down here where we are. Back to earth so you can talk to him face to face. Become his friend and let him be your best friend in the whole world ever.
To try and trudge through and insist on calling him Father before you are even friends, makes things much harder and difficult than they really need to be.
“Father” figures here on earth are always made out to be larger men, powerful, authoritative, in charge and dominating. We perceive them in these and other similar ways from when we are children. We are small, they are big and when they are bad to us that makes them even bigger and more powerful, so if we have grown up with this perception of our earthly fathers in this way, then how are we expected to view God as our Father in the respect and manner he deserves and we deserve. When these bad ideals are all you have to go by, if you have any ideals to begin with. Some don’t have a clue what a father is or should be to even be able to start to comprehend how we are able to feel about God.
Stop looking at his knees and look at his face.
Just for a while stop trying to force the “father” figure aspect into your relationship with him and just be his friend.
He wants so badly to be your friend, so reciprocate back to him. He’s been here through Christ, he knows what it’s like to live here and deal with such things that torment us daily.
Sure he’s the greatest thing in all creation and he has power beyond belief, but just like a humble rich man or a famous person, they all just want to be treated like every one else, when they are just hanging out with a friend. Especially a cool friend as yourself.
If I were guessing God would give up his power and fame for one day, just to be closer to you and become your bestest friend forever.
There is so much you could share with him and so much he wants to share with you and he’s “dying” to be with you and spend lots and lots of time with you. He longs to be your friend and grow with you not ahead of you.
He doesn’t get bigger as we grow up only we grow bigger in size and he remains the same. We are his children but we are adult children looking for a good father that will never hurt us or grow old and die.
So to have a good father on earth, when one is available, biological or step, you too must 1st be friends and pals, sharing and confiding.
Same goes for our heavenly father.
Take a good close look at how you want to end up relationally with God and maybe write it down, put it in a safe place like your bible and forget it.
Now, clear your mind.
Stop looking up and start looking straight ahead. Straight into the face of God and say,

HELLO FRIEND…