Divine Romance: Intermezzo No. 1

This is another in a series of guest posts by Clarence:

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. (Rom. 2:1 NIV)

I can recall at least two instances in my life where my father displayed any kind of affection towards me. One was when I was 5 or 6 y.o. as I lay in a hospital bed recovering from surgery to remove a clot from my ear, suffered as a result of hitting my head against the headboard of a bed. How did I hit my head against the headboard you ask? Keep in my mind we were 5 y.o. when I explain how I was jumping up and down on a bed with a girl, named Michelle.

My family had gone over to a friend’s house for a party, the occasion for which I can’t recall, but I do recall how even at 5 y.o. I was smitten with Michelle. We hit it off so well, but what do you do to have fun with a girl when you’re 5, but use her parents’ bed as a trampoline? So, there we were jumping up and down on the bed, having a great time, and the next thing I know I’m waking up in a hospital bed with a needle in my arm, bandages around my head, and my father kneeling down beside my bed, his head bowed down resting against his hands, clasped together in prayer. It’s one of the few touching memories I have of my father.

The other actually came after his death when, while at his funeral, one of his employees approached me and explained that when I called my dad for Father’s day that year, he stopped everything he was doing, stuck his head out of his office door, and instructed his secretary to hold all his calls; demanding that he not be bothered, explaining, “I’m talking with my son.” To this day I find it difficult to hold back the tears as I picture that event.

A year previous to that Father’s Day phone call, I had a blow-up with my father regarding his other wife and family. A cousin with whom I was close felt it difficult to hide from me the fact that my father had another family, especially since she regularly interacted with my half-brothers and half-sisters. She confided this fact with me and I, in my sanctimony, self-righteousness and moral superiority, took it upon myself to confront, challenge and call my father on his indiscretion. In my immaturity, ignorance, and naiveté I thought I could turn my father from the “dark side” [1]. Suffice it to say, that I failed miserably as my father rejected and dismissed my “authority” to question, challenge, and confront him on this issue. I returned to school in San Diego with my tail between my legs, my ego bruised and bitter feelings towards my father. In college I served as a writing tutor helping other students with their writing.

During the previous semester I got to know a student while helping her on a couple of her papers. We reconnected this next semester and became friends. We were both commuter students and since the tutoring session was our last class of the day, I routinely escorted her back to her car. The time it took to walk back to our cars provided ample opportunity to get to know each other. She was aware of my course of study and eventual goal to be a Catholic priest. This caused her to trust me and, over time, confide in me. I provided a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. One thing, however, led to another and we eventually became physically intimate. It was a short-lived affair as she was already married – a fact of which I was already aware.

This event caused much pain, regret, remorse and self-condemnation. It was a major “hot stove” experience for me. There’s an adage that says, “An unguarded strength is a double weakness”. I’m acutely aware of the accuracy of this adage in my life. As someone about to enter the priesthood, I prided myself on my ability to resist sexual temptation, my resolve to take a vow of celibacy, which was “evidence” of my commitment to God, which only fed the conceit that I would be that much closer to God, morally superior, more virtuous and further along that “stairway to heaven”[2] than the average person. The irony wasn’t lost on me. When the fog of passion cleared and I fully realized what I had done, I could personalize David’s experience when God used Nathan the prophet to rebuke David over his acts of adultery and murder[3]. I realized with greater clarity my hypocrisy much like Moses, perhaps, when challenged by his fellow Israelites after he had killed the Egyptian[4]; though in my case, I killed the Egyptianafter I lectured my brothers against the same.

The realization of my moral failure and hypocrisy prompted a letter and phone call to my father asking his forgiveness for my presumption, arrogance and pride; a call I’m glad to have made, and a letter I’m thankful to have written before his death. I find that the longer I walk with God, the closer I get to Him, the nearer I come to the “Father of Lights”[5]; the more His Light is shed on my sinfulness, the more clearly I see my depravity, the wickedness and deceitfulness of my heart - so much so that, increasingly, the sobering reality sets in how that, “…all [my] righteousnesses (sic) are like filthy rags…”[6]; serving to further dispel any stubbornly persistent delusions of personal righteousness apart from, and independent of, God. The subsequent years have proven to be my “humiliation in Midian” - a continued humbling, a sanctification process, a becoming more like Jesus; so that one day, perhaps, I may also say, “I do only what I see the Father doing”[7]. I fully expect this to be a life-long process, but however long it takes I trust, “…that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”[8], or at least until DAD calls me Home.

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Pr.16: 18 NIV)

“A man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.” (Proverbs 6:32 NIV)

“Brothers if anyone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted…if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” (Gal. 6:1 NIV)

“You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.^” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Mt. 5:27-28 NIV)

“…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23 NIV)

“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…” (John 8:6-8 KJV)

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16 NIV)

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.” (Psalm 51:1-4 NIV)

“Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18 NIV)

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 NIV)

“Youth is wasted on the young.” (George Bernard Shaw)

“And isn't it ironic, don't you think A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think” (Ironic, Alanis Morissette)

"Sweet the sin, Bitter the taste in my mouth" (Running to Stand Still, U2)

“You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." (Luke 7:46-47 NIV)

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[1] Star Wars, 1977

[2] “Stairway to Heaven”, Led Zeppelin

[3] 2 Samuel 12

[4] Exodus 2:11-4 NIV

[5] James 1:17 KJV

[6] Isaiah 64:5-7 NKJV

[7] John 5:19 NIV

[8] Philippians 1:6 NIV

The Melancholy Princess

Guest Post by Clarence

Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” (Malachi 2:15-17 NLT)

I did a quick search and discovered there are only 6 instances in which the Bible explicitly states that “God” or “the Lord” “hates” something. It’s a noteworthy event given how seldom the Bible states how God “hates” something.

Why is divorce such an object of derision, disdain and disregard in God’s view? Perhaps an experience I had on my return trip from Texas this past Easter weekend might shed some light on why God has such a strong opinion about divorce. I enjoyed a visit with friends over the Easter weekend in Texas.

My best friend and his wife flew me down from KC and had me stay with them for the weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed myself as I visited with old and new friends. I always look forward to such sweet fellowship. But as is the case with life in this world, nothing lasts, and I soon found myself making the trip back home to KC.

I flew Southwest Airlines, and if you’re familiar with Southwest, you sit anywhere you can find a seat. I scanned the first few rows and found an open middle seat in the second row between an older lady seated in an aisle seat and a little girl by the window. I initially thought the middle seat may have been for the little girl's parent, but I asked the old lady if anyone was sitting between them, to which she responded, “No”. I asked if I could sit between them and the old lady said “Yes” and got up to let me to slip by her. I thanked “Jan”, whose name I later learned, and after I settled down between them, I proceeded to catch some sleep, but was soon awakened by the sound of crying.

I turned to my right and noticed the little girl crying. She was trying to hide her tears, but couldn’t as she cried in the manner of children with that quick succession of gasps punctuated by sobs, accompanied by a torrent of tears. I asked her if she was ok. She shook her head no, as the tears continued to stream down her face. I turned to my left and Jan, perhaps seeing the perplexity and consternation on my face, explained that the girl’s parents had recently divorced; and after having visited her dad in Dallas was returning to her mother in Detroit. I turned my attention back to her and my heart went out to this melancholy cherub. I thought to myself, “How could a father let his 6 y.o. daughter fly alone under such circumstances?” I knew that if he could only see his broken-hearted, grief-stricken, sad little princess at that moment his own heart would break and he would doeverything (perhaps even called off divorce if he could see then what I saw now) in his power to comfort her and stop those tears.

I was convinced of this because that’s exactly how I felt. I felt helpless flustered, and frustrated in my desire to scoop her up in my arms and wipe away the tears, but could not, for obvious reasons. So, I did the next best thing and tried to bring a smile to her face. I obtained a gift bag from the flight attendant, which contained an activity book that had mazes, word scrambles, crossword puzzles, and connect-the-dots exercises. I offered it to her along with a little packet of tissues, which Jan volunteered. I introduced myself and found out her name was, “Alyssia” (She later made a point of explaining to me that she dotted the “i” with a heart) Slowly, her tears subsided as I inquired about her visit with her dad and all that she did while in Texas, which she happily recounted. Eventually, she turned her attention to the activity book and enlisted my help in completing some of the exercises. I actually found 8 or 9 (but who’s counting?) of the 12 words in the word scramble, and despite her reluctance to do the crossword I was instrumental in helping her finish it.

Eventually we landed in KC, where I was to disembark while she continued on to Detroit. I leaned over and said, “Do you want to know a secret?” She looked up at me and nodded, “yes”. “Jesus loves you.” I told her. She looked at me with those bright blue eyes, and innocently asked, “Who’s Jesus?” My heart sank as I realized that she had never been told about God or Jesus. I didn’t have time to explain in detail so I said that, “Jesus is God and He will find you so you can be with Him in Heaven one day.” “Are you going to be there?” she asked. “Yes, of course. I'll see you there in 80yrs or so - deal?” She agreed and we high-fived. As I exited the row, she jumped up and offered me a set of plastic wings she received in her gift bag. I thanked her, and as I walked through the airport, wings in hand, I prayed that God would protect her and keep her safe.

I don’t know the details of her parents' divorce, and I’m sure there’s two sides to every story, but it’s my experience that, more often than not, the husband, in his role as the spiritual head of his family can do much to repair and strengthen his marital relationship. It’s his role as a spiritual warrior to defend his family by #1, guarding his own heart, battling in prayer against the “powers” and “principalities”[1] intent on his family’s destruction, and nurturing his wife as a gardener tends to his garden, “…cleansing her by the washing with water through the word”[2]. It’s our failure as men to see our role as spiritual warriors in submission to God, who endows us with the authority to head our families, enabling us to nurture our sisters in Christ and protect the families we are blessed to have with them; a failure resulting in a 50% divorce rate in the best case, and husbands killing wives and loved ones, in the worst case. It’s the tragic result of a failure to recognize that we are not, nor is anything we have, truly our own, that “in body and spirit you are his”.

“Dear God, would You bless me and my brothers today, helping us recognize in greater measure our identity as sons of God, princes of the King of Kings, and to walk, therefore, this day, in victory over the devil, the world and our own flesh, becoming more and more the husbands, fathers, sons and brothers You want us to be. I ask this in Jesus’ Name. Amen. “

“You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” (Song of Solomon, 4:12 NIV)

"Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits." (Song of Solomon, 4:16)

"Catch the foxes for us,The little foxes that are ruining the vineyards,While our vineyards are in blossom." (Song of Solomon, 2:15 NASB)

"For the Son of Man has come to seek and save that which was lost." (Luke 19:10 NKJV)

"I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride" (Song of Solomon, 5:1)

"Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?" (Pr. 20:6)

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Rev. 21:4 NIV)

“Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.” (Anna B. Warner, 1820 -1915)

[1] Ephesians 6:12

[2] Ephesians 5:26

The Winter of [My] Discontent

Guest Post by Clarence:

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Mt.16:26 NKJV)

My father died at 54 of his first and only heart attack.  They found him dead on the plane during a layover in Hawaii returning from a trip to the Philippines.  He had just interviewed for a cabinet position for the incoming administration of Fidel Ramos.  He was at the prime of his life.  It was an abrupt ending to such a promising career and real American success story.  

If I could provide some background:  My father was born into a family of moderate means, as his parents were both teachers.  And if teaching isn’t a lucrative profession here in the U.S., it’s less so in the Philippines.  He was the 3rd child in a family of 10 kids.  He fought and struggled for everything he got.  Eventually, he became a lawyer in the Philippines in a climate of political instability.  He was involved in politics and wrote decrying the graft and corruption of the then-democratic government of Ferdinand Marcos.  He understood the political climate, the dictatorial tendencies of the Marcos regime, and foresaw the coming declaration of martial law.  To avoid political persecution, therefore, he joined the “brain drain” of intellectuals and professionals leaving the Philippines that occurred prior to Ferdinand Marcos’ eventual declaration of martial law and reign as a dictator through the 70s and 80s.  

He and my mom arrived in NYC, in this land of opportunity.  And finding himself in a new country, he worked hard to provide for a young family, selling life insurance.  I still remember him occasionally (when baby sitters were unavailable) taking me, my sister, and brother who was still in diapers along with him to appointments.  I recall him taking us to these tenement buildings and knocking on apartment doors.  When the occupants asked, “Who is it?” he cried out, “Insurance man!” and they would let us in.  I think it helped him close some deals by toting us around.  

While providing for us selling insurance, he was also self-studying for the bar exam that would allow him to practice law in the U.S.  I still recall him seated at the kitchen table, reading law books late at night, writing notes and typing papers.  His hard work finally paid off when while I was in 3^rd grade he passed the bar exam and was able to practice law in the U.S. and eventually serve as a judge.  It’s a true American success story and an example of how hard work, determination and perseverance can result in achieving one’s goals and dreams.  

With that background, it’s easier to understand my father’s drive and desire for us to succeed.  He envisioned that I would one day follow in his footsteps, become a lawyer, and join him in his practice.  Being the eldest, however, much was expected of me, and when I failed to meet those expectations, bore the brunt of his disappointment at the end of a belt.  The corporal punishment, however, wasn’t the kind delivered by a loving parent, concerned with “…train[ing] a child in the way he should go”[1], offering reassuring words of his continued love and attempts to comfort at the end; but delivered, rather, with a meanness, vindictiveness and malice reserved for one’s enemy (evidenced by the bruises both physical and emotional).  

I have to admit that his bark was worse than his bite, as even the mere raising of his voice would unnerve, disturb and perplex me, especially when he grew impatient with me.  As a result, I feared my father and his outbursts, and distanced myself from him as I adopted passive/aggressive behaviors[2] (e.g. procrastination, depression, avoidance, etc.), as a defense mechanism to cope with the stress of my early childhood - a fault and weakness against which I guard as an adult.  

Compounding this paternal dysfunction was the fact of his absenteeism due not so much to career as to his infidelity towards our mother.  My father had another wife while still married to our mother – a secret he kept well-hidden from us.  After his death, I came to know my half-brothers and sisters (all 6 of them) and learned of the warm, loving and fond memories they had of him.  I was actually jealous of the affection my half-siblings received from my father.  I envied them their warm memories of my father and close relationship they enjoyed with him. Maybe he distanced himself from us, because he loved his other wife more, I don’t know, but I felt gypped, deprived, and cheated of having a dad.  Please understand, I love my father, but I hated what he did to us.  I trust he’s in heaven (based on reports of his accepting Christ later in life), but we still had to live with the effects of “…the sins of the fathers.”[3] I can’t speak for my siblings as, “…each heart knows its own bitterness…”[4], (perhaps matters of the heart, feelings and emotions is the proper province of relativism) but this paternal dysfunction was instrumental in my early development and produced in me a “quiet defiance” towards my father and authority.  It was also during this period in my life (jr. high – H.S.) that I began to seriously doubt the existence of God, and even contemplate suicide. 

"All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy (1875-77)

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home dad? I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then (“Cats in the Cradle”, Harry Chapin)

“Hate the sin, love the sinner” (Mahatma Gandhi)

"The unexamined life is not worth living." (“Apology”, Socrates) 

Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? (Pr. 20:6)

No one else can know your sadness, and strangers cannot share your joy (Pr.14:10 NCV)

“Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, Amplified)

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Mt.18:5-6)

*Richard III, Shakespeare

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[1] Proverbs 22:6

[2] http://www.livestrong.com/article/14713-eliminating-passive-aggressiveness/

[3] Psalm 79:8

[4] Pr. 14:10

Knowing God as our Father, revised

Knowing God as our Father

Finding ourselves in the spirit of our God & Christ and having faith enough to love and believe in them, can take some people long enough to, or too long to, accomplish without throwing in the title of Father. Calling God that and truly feeling as if he is our Father, one and only Father.
Especially if we don’t truly know what a “father” is, or what you’re supposed to feel or think about him in that way.
I feel like that most people who are trying seek God as our “Father”, barrel into this task expecting to be able to instantly or instinctively feel and call this person (practically a stranger) “father”, ”dad”, ”daddy”, ”papa”.
This route I feel is the longest way around, to move through the walls that completely keep us from bonding with God this way.
If there are walls between you and something you want with all your heart, like seeing the God’s face. Would you just stand there talking to the wall and praying that the wall would just miraculously fall down or disappear, or would you try to find away around it?
Going through the walls isn’t an option, because you’ve already been through what put the walls there to begin with, and that wasn’t much fun. Was it?
So the next option is to go around. The wall has an opening some where; it has to, the only walls with no end, in or out, is the walls we’ll see in heaven around our new home. Our walls aren’t anything compared to those, so getting to the other side of our walls to talk to God should be simple as pie.
Now, the walls we have are blocking our view of God as our “Father”.
What do we do about that?
We lose the “father” part of our idea or our God.

"WHAT!!! God not as our “father”? Stop believing that way?"
"Your crazy and wrong and why should I listen to you?"

Thoughts that might have just gone through your mind, unless you’re truly opened minded.
Don’t jump to any conclusions yet.
Did I say to lose that idea “forever”? NOOO!
It’s only a temporary fix to get back to where you really want to be.
Refer back to when I called God, ”practically a stranger”.
To most of us he is. All we really know about him is what we read in the bible or hear from others, but until we can truly speak to him ourselves or really feel him and be in his presence we will not truly know him.
So, how do you come to know a stranger? You befriend them.
The two of you become friends and you talk, you share plans, ideas, and dreams. You both start on the same level, getting to know each other over & over.
You wouldn’t walk up to a perfect stranger and call him “dad” or “father”. Even an earthly father, who has done wrong by you and/or been out of your life for years, could not walk back into your life, after being rehabilitated or born again and expect you to call him “dad”. (He could but he would also be insane.)
It would take time and a lot of trust building, some getting to truly know one another again. You would have to be friends first and work up to the “father” "daddy” part.
This same idea applies to knowing or relearning, and loving God and being able to call him Father.
The 1st step is to bring God back down to our level. He is already on our level and has been from the first day he created earth, but we have to start viewing him there. People try to raise him up to a place we can never reach. We put him high up out of reach and its no wonder people struggle their whole life and never truly know him.
Sure we need to exalt him and praise him because he’s great and mighty but we need to bring him back down here where we are. Back to earth so you can talk to him face to face. Become his friend and let him be your best friend in the whole world ever.
To try and trudge through and insist on calling him Father before you are even friends, makes things much harder and difficult than they really need to be.
“Father” figures here on earth are always made out to be larger men, powerful, authoritative, in charge and dominating. We perceive them in these and other similar ways from when we are children. We are small, they are big and when they are bad to us that makes them even bigger and more powerful, so if we have grown up with this perception of our earthly fathers in this way, then how are we expected to view God as our Father in the respect and manner he deserves and we deserve. When these bad ideals are all you have to go by, if you have any ideals to begin with. Some don’t have a clue what a father is or should be to even be able to start to comprehend how we are able to feel about God.
Stop looking at his knees and look at his face.
Just for a while stop trying to force the “father” figure aspect into your relationship with him and just be his friend.
He wants so badly to be your friend, so reciprocate back to him. He’s been here through Christ, he knows what it’s like to live here and deal with such things that torment us daily.
Sure he’s the greatest thing in all creation and he has power beyond belief, but just like a humble rich man or a famous person, they all just want to be treated like every one else, when they are just hanging out with a friend. Especially a cool friend as yourself.
If I were guessing God would give up his power and fame for one day, just to be closer to you and become your bestest friend forever.
There is so much you could share with him and so much he wants to share with you and he’s “dying” to be with you and spend lots and lots of time with you. He longs to be your friend and grow with you not ahead of you.
He doesn’t get bigger as we grow up only we grow bigger in size and he remains the same. We are his children but we are adult children looking for a good father that will never hurt us or grow old and die.
So to have a good father on earth, when one is available, biological or step, you too must 1st be friends and pals, sharing and confiding.
Same goes for our heavenly father.
Take a good close look at how you want to end up relationally with God and maybe write it down, put it in a safe place like your bible and forget it.
Now, clear your mind.
Stop looking up and start looking straight ahead. Straight into the face of God and say,

HELLO FRIEND…

Rephrase

Getting God right. There is nothing to really get right or wrong. The most important things to remember is the simplicity of His love and how freely he gives it and how freely he will take it if you are willing to give it.

Open your eyes and look at all the things/people that God has put in front of you that he wants you to do or take care of.

The best things in life come when your not even looking for them or wanting them.

stop looking at what you don't have and start looking for the things others don't have and see if you can help them, then what you thought you needed or wanted may become less important or they will show up on your door step.

Keep in mind: Give more than you have to give and God will return to you more than you need.

"It shouldn't matter"

I don't think it matters what we think or know God has done for us or that he sent Jesus to die for us.

He's our father, creator, our savior in all things - we should respect and obey him..

Do as we are told and/or guided.

Follow HIS rules.

Love and live in him, in us.

God came 1st and will alwys be 1st.

Stop trying to figure things out that he's done and why.

It doesn't matter...there is no justification needed to love our God, no conscious reasoning required. He does not put prerequisites on his love for us, we should not either.

HE is here - HE is now!

God is what is... Live with it and Live for it!

"God's NOT too busy!"

Today, I cried when I heard a song on the radio. Not just any song, this song made me sad because the man singing was trying to tell people how he thought God was too busy to answer his prayer to bring someone back to him. Whether this person was alive or passed on he didn't clarify, but he totally missed the mark on what Gods position is in his life. The singer brought up many valid problems in his song that were probably way more important than his, but the problem that was missed was that there is not any problem too unimportant to God. Every prayer or problem no matter how little or big never goes unnoticed by our Father.

Like every good parent, God is never too busy to give time to you when you need it.

Never think that your not worth God's time just because the prayers you pray don't get answered.

God hears EVERY word and is catching every tear cried, but you also have to listen to him when he doesn't answer right away or at all, because his reason why are there you just have to pay attention.

Evaluate your prayers, think about and listen to what your praying for and figure out whether it's something you or someone else really needs, or if it's a prayer for convenience to make things the way you want things to be and not the way they need to be. Rephrase the prayer, maybe your not asking correctly, because God knows your heart and what it is that you need, but your mind has to meet the same criteria so that when your prayer is answered and it's not exactly the way you requested it, you can understand why and know he knows best.

Look at what your praying for also, to make sure that it is a reasonable request. Look to your heart, know that what your praying is what needs to happen or can in any possible way happen. It is true all things are possible with God, but the requests have to be within reason. He stopped raising people from the dead a long, long time ago.

You are important to him and every breathe you take he counts. Never be too humble to not ask for something you know you need and that he would be glad to give you, put others before yourself on earth, but it's o.k. to ask for yourself with him along with others.

You are important to GOD!!!

"Owning What is Not Yours"

Don't own anything that is not material.

To own something is to claim it as your own. First, however, you must make sure there is not already an owner. This is very important when it comes to material property, but even more important when you start to try and own non-material things such as issues, situations, problems, feelings, grieving, etc...

When someone you know or love has a problem, hurt, issue, bad feelings going on, it is not your responsibility to take these and carry them around as your own burdens. Only one has that right and he carries the owner of the burdens with him.

You run to the rescue to a loved one who has been hurt or lost something or someone, to bare their hurt with them or try to take it away, only to end up taking it on all yourself and you end up with more problems of your own while the owner is freed and moves on.

Let me tell you.... YOU CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY AND YOU CAN'T FIX IT!!!

One, it's not your job and two, it's not going to go away without the Lord and sometimes lots of time.

This is very dangerous and crushing to someone who sees them self as a "care giver" and can cause more damage to the person who "tried to help" then the person who had the loss or problem to begin with.

Face the fact also if it applies that it is o.k. if you weren't necessarily needed for that problem, and also look beyond your own family to be a proper care giver, it doesn't count if all you ever look after are husbands and children.

To be a "care giver" you have to be able to separate yourself when you are addressed with a problem that just isn't fixable but to just support and be there.

This unfortunately is the failure point that crushes the plans of the "care giver". Causing feelings of needlessness, rejection, leading to depression, stinky thinking, negative attitudes, and over compensation to try to do more for ones who don't necessarily need your services at the point in which the "care giver" needs a "give or help" fix.

A story:

A mother runs to the side of her daughter who has just become a widow, the mother wants so very badly to save her and take away her pain. Protect her from the hurt, to do what ever she needs for her. Yet in return the daughter is showing to be a strong person, raised and trained through life to be responsible and able to deal and cope with stressors that come her way. Although a very heart breaking situation the daughter barrels through like a champ. Grieving in her own way,(like everyone should), moving forward to respect the valor of her beloved and taking care of things the way he deserved, proud to have ever been married to such a fine man.

The daughter, surrounded by her mother and all the family she could ever need, she was able to relate to and become closer to her mother-in-law who not so long ago lost her love and now her son. They were two who could and should support each other merely due to common griefs.

Now, there leaves the daughters mother, still pushing through, wanting to take care of her and take away all the pain and hurt, not yet really dealing with the loss of a son-in-law she could have claimed as her own.

The good byes are said and tears are cried, now what?

The mother doing what I would do, moves in with the now single mom, moving their home closer to help the daughter with the baby and the homestead left a little emptier. All the while the mother is taking possession of all the grief, all the hurt and taking care of things. Instead of grieving and including herself in the group who was being taken care of and grieving together, she took ownership of the pain and sorrow leading her into a trap and a vicious cycle of highs and lows using this loss as a crutch in life to convince herself she can't do for herself, or creating ideas of negativity and rejection from others that are not true. Why? only she knows for sure, is it because she's led herself so far down this road that it's all she believes, or a cry for attention that just leads to more anger, frustration, hurt and rejected feelings when no one understands what's going on in her head.

The daughter has now moved forward, still grieving yet able to function and fulfill dreams and goals her husband would have been proud of. She's out blossoming from the love her husband gave her, giving and spreading his love for all people as far as she can.

This where the daughter has used her loss for the greater good, the mother burries herself so deep in a hole with all that she has taken on herself that when the daughter grows enough in strength to move out of the home and live close but not under the same roof, the mother doesn't know what to do but sit, ponder and stew. Dwelling deeper and deeper, creating thoughts of rejection, disappointment of others, failure, figuring the only thing left is being alone and scaring her self so much of things untrue. The next things to happen are deeper depressions, anxieties, new fears, paranoia, anger, frustration with everything normal, and the negativity starts owning her.

Dwelling daily on a loss that everyone around her has and is still dealing with and continuing to grieve, yet the difference is that the others did not let the grief and hurt take control of their lives, but celebrated the one lost just the way he would have wanted it. The others who lost did not own this grief as all their own, they shared it with others who grieved and handed it over to the Lord with the comfort that he was taken care of and happier than all of us. The memory of the loss should never be a crutch in life, or a reason not to live yours. Letting the grief or problems of your own or of other rule whether you get out of bed in the morning or not, go to work everyday or find work to help your own family home is the same as opening the front door and telling satin to come right on in, I'm all yours.

The best depression medicine in the word of our God, and the only consoler is in the arms or our God. God has suffered many losses and sacrifices but doesn't expect us to carry ours around, he didn't issues burden luggage for this flight he allows no carry ons. Only freedom in him and love of life for him.

So if your carrying around things you shouldn't be you better check them at the door before he comes around. The only crutches in life are for broken legs, theirs no one to blame for your attitude but you and figure it out before you run off the only people who really care about you, cause even they will stop trying to help you if you won't help yourself. Broken records get tossed.

"ALL are welcome"

This blog is to address churches of organized religions or non. You know who you are, but if your oblivious to this message then I pray that someone in your congregation recognizes this problem I am about to address and brings it to light and it's fixed immediately!!

Churches with this problem just aught to be ashamed of your self for the pompous attitudes and holier than thou beliefs instilled and pawned off on the congregation from who ever started the church or religion.

There's a final straw somewhere and something better give(and SOON), before no one wants to go to church ever, anywhere for what ever reason. Extreme thinking? I think not, because its happening everyday more and more people leave or are driven away from a church and never seek another or return to any other.

If this does happen then doubly shame on you and I pray for all your souls who support these ideas and acts.

The problem here is the outrageous act of pushing someone away from church because "they don't fit in";"they don't belong here";"lets make them feel uncomfortable then maybe they'll leave";"ooh, a stranger lets not talk to them we might have to like them". Every day there is someone who is kicked out of a church for one and many more reasons like these and it is an outrage. An absolute outrage! I cry every time I here of someone else that has been shunned from a church or turned away. All because of the way they dressed, their race or culture, where they came from, the way they even worship. Yes, people have been pushed out of churches because they worshiped the Lord and praised God just a little different than the others in the church.

The straw that broke my back about this issue was one very recently, where a mother was force to leave her church because her special needs child made too much noise during the services.

A "special needs child"!?! Not a mother who brought her crying baby to church every Sunday and refused to calm him or take him to the nursery, but a mother with a child that does not understand his/her actions, who may or may not understand the actions of others(especially the quieting gestures and requests of his own mother). A child that lives in a world who doesn't understand him/her, a child, if had been treated with an ounce of respect or the mother given the option to have a special class for him/her during service offered to her so that she too could have worshiped our Savior with the others without her own worries that they might interrupt or bother someone.

"CHRISTIAN" PEOPLE AFRAID OF A CHILD. not very Christian in my book

neither situation would be any reason for to tell someone that they have to leave the church. Churches are here to help and hold solutions for the people who seek God, not just help and nurture the ones of your choosing.

Solutions, what would have taken to have asked or invited a special ed teacher to your church to teach a "during service Sunday school"? Why would have this been so difficult to do? What? It wasn't feasible because it might draw others of "their kind" into your church and seek the Lord? You know there are thousands, probably millions of families who don't seek a church home because of family members/children with disabilities, who will not be accepted there. And that is because they have tried or heard other stories about families in their same situation being treated like lepers and run off from the only place they thought they could be accepted and loved for being children of God.

The mother with the crying child, did anyone bother to ask her if there was anything they could do to help? Maybe she was trying to make the best effort possible for a single mom to attend church, that she felt keeping her child with her was her only available resource. Did anyone tell her that the nursery had a speaker in it to let the nursery workers hear the service too(or put one in for her and others), that there was a place she could go without missing anything? No...

These people were judged from the second they walked in the door and were never given a chance to give their testimony to who they were and how they came to you in need of your love.

The young single mom instantly judged as someone who "got her self in trouble", only if someone had offered a loving welcome or ear could have found out that she was a widow. Her husband killed in the line of duty protecting your butt from a fire, terrorist, stupid drugged out punk with a gun..

Or the single mother trying to raise a beautiful gift that God gave her and do the best she can with the very little that she has or that can be done to help her. A child who knows God better than all of us. In reference to earlier blogs, children and special needs people are closer to Him than anyone because they keep the innocence that we fight so hard to get back after we have allowed the devil and this devilish world to take from us. To be able to hang out for only one hour a week with a blessing such as these angels God has given, could be a blessing to me in so many ways. To look into their eyes and see the eyes of God and to see their minds working to hear Him, their eyes shine and big smiles when Gods speaks to them. I long for that moment, I have seen it in my niece's face and eyes from the day she was born and I look for it every time she's around. The feeling puts me back to a times when i have been the closest to him and felt him.

"ALL ARE WELCOME HERE" the words of our Father and Savior with NO ifs or buts.

There is only one prerequisite to going to church and thats,


"JUST SHOW UP!!"

Please spread the word about this outrage and let the world know that if there is an "application" process to going to a certain church, say no thank you and politely leave, don't feel offended, just feel sorry that the people, believing that this is the way to go to church and to treat others there, have to live with their sorry selves and are going to face the Judge and Maker in their end.


STRAIGHTEN UP CHURCHES and RELIGIONS, people WILL know the truth about God and our Savior Jesus Christ, they will leave you to find the ones who will love them and help them grow in Christ and I will try my best with what God give me to make this so.

THE TRUTH SHALL SET THEM FREE!!

"Internal Peace"

Finding the peace inside ourselves is a sure fire cure for finding the peace that fills our outside.

Internal turmoil and restlessness with yourself can be projected times ten to everyone and thing around you.

Problems that you have with others do not necessarily mean the problems are theirs, it is most likely that the problem lays with you and caused by the internal strife that you project onto them.

We all have moments, some more than others, where we feel our problems are someone else's fault. If we have someone to blame for our unhappiness, then that is easier than admitting we are not doing to well with out walk with the Lord or finding the contentment that we long for.

No one but ourself can make us happy. I can't blame my employer for me being unhappy and hating my job, they are not stopping me from moving on or being happy, I am. I'm to blame for not doing something about it before it got this far.

Now, if your world is seemingly upside down and things out of whack, try looking on the inside for a better solution than looking to others for a really bad and false reason.

"Short cuts of life"

There aren't any...

Take the long way around, its saves a lot of unnecessary work later when it doesn't get done right the first time.

The seemingly "sure thing" short cuts are the key to knowing that its gonna lead to more or harder work later.

Take time to smell the roses and do the dirty work of pruning the thorns then you better appreciate the smell.

"Listen, things are not what they appear."

Title: "How About You"

Artist: Staind

if someone else showed you the way
would you take the wheel and steer?
it hurts me that you're not ashamed
of what you're doing here
if they jumped off a bridge
would you meet them on the ground?
or would you try and claim
that it never made a sound

everyone plays the hand they're dealt
and learns to walk through life themselves
not everything in life is handed on a plate
when people think your words are true
it doesn't matter what you do
i sold my soul to get here
how 'bout you?

so you choose to force your hand
what a strange way to make friends
and you always change the rules
so the drama never ends
and you blindly go through life
judging only by its worth
just try not to forget
that the meek inherit earth

so please don't take offense
this is just a point of view
cuz i'm the only one who
will say these things to you

This song hits me in so many ways that i felt i needed to share, the song is sung by a band named Staind, a group who through appearance would not be a band that just anyone would listen to. Heavy rock comes from most of their workings, but i picked up their "14 Shades of Grey" album(which i'm sure is copyrighted so please respect) despite the parental advisories all over the cover I use them as an example to promote how the most unseeming or different of people can still teach a good message to those who are willing to listen.

This song opened a lot of images in my head about people that i know or are related to in someway, especially young people i know, that do not look at the world in a good way. This song teaches me to value things as they are and not what it's worth to me or what i would get out of it.

Not to follow crowds, to stand up and be my own person against all other opinions and odds, and not to take advantage of people or befriend them just to get something out of them.

WORK and work hard for what you want in life and hold true to your word. Have a conscience and feel bad for things that you do so you know when its wrong and you can make it right. So many in this world go through life doing tasks and deeds that hurt people or do not benefit anyone but themselves, and there is hardly any remorse and if there is any shown it's usually empty and fake.

Your not always going to get your way and you can't manipulate people to do so, it may work on smaller, weaker souls that you pass through this world but one of these days reality is going to hit and hit really hard and your going to go up against someone stronger and not manipulatable and your fantasy world is going to come crashing down all around you. Leaving you with a big mess of lies and manipulations to clean up and a lot of people very hurt and mad at you, then you'll really feel what it's like to be alone and unliked.

Most people manipulate reality as a defense mechanism against themselves, so that they don't have to be real and take the risk of learning what people really think of them. If they control people's actions then they can control there reactions, so you think.

Be real, if people don't like you for who you are then they don't need to be your friend.

Respect everything, do not take advantage of what you or anyone else has, it may not last.

Know people for who they are not who you want them to be. If you don't like who they are - don't judge them or try to change them, just call it a draw and just don't hang around them.

There are no short cuts and even though you might think you have found them, it just makes life harder for tomorrow by shortening the task for today.

Work, things are not be handed to you for the rest of your life.

Just be YOU...

and maybe pick up this album, there are other pretty good songs on there as well..

"The Bloodline of God"

I heard a song the other day the was about family history and bloodlines that weren't so great and usually fell to the way side and didn't follow the pathway of God. He was also singing about how it made him what he was and he basically blamed his family for everything wrong in his life.

We are not made by our bloodlines, family trees or even non family/blood acquaintances. We are what we make of ourselves and no one and nothing but yourself can be to blame for where you end up in this world. The song talked about how everything that happened to him was based on what his family did in the past, this can't be true because your family wasn't there when you stood there and did that stupid or just not too bright thing that got you into trouble.

When you have gotten in trouble with the law, or financially, or with personal/sex issues, was your dead beat dad standing behind you telling you to steal, or to speed in your car, or do those drugs or alcohol. When you spent all your paycheck on crap, or on your girlfriend, or the law issues was your mother who couldn't balance a check book to save her life or spent all the money your dad made before he made it tell you to forget the rent and buy that stereo or take your girl out to the most expensive place in town. Oh and here's a good one, i'm sure that your 16 year old sister who was knocked up at 14 was standing right there telling you it's o.k. have sex with that person and tie yourself down to children and or child support for 20 years before you've even finished high school.

So see, the decisions we make in our lives are ours. Not the ones our family made or someone up in the tree with no fork in it. The only blood line we follow is that of God and as far as I know that is about the best Bloodline to be connected with. Especially having a brother who gave his life so we might live. What better example of family does a person need.

Blood is fluid, it leaks out and makes a mess. What stands in time and in the record books of heaven are the tasks and deeds that we perform here on earth to please our one father and the only father we need to seek approval and respect from. Some of us may grow up with pretty good fathers and they try to teach good things but there is only one father that matters to make proud. God is the beginning and the end, he will guide us and teach us everything we need to know to make it to his home someday.

Don't blame him for your troubles either, he put you here and has given you everything you need to succeed, but he has this funny thing that people just don't get, is that he will give to you what you give away. If you don't give away then he just assumes you have everything you need and stops giving so much. So if you find your self in a time that it just seems that he's not helping you, then step back and see who you have helped lately. You might just see a whole lot of nothing which is then what your going to get. Up your ante by giving to others more than you have then just maybe you can get back more than you need.

Goals in life are set for a reason, by us not our pasts, to have something to look forward to, but they are not set in stone, so if what you think you wanted to do with your life isn't working out, then maybe you picked the wrong goal, try something else, we all have something in this world we are put here to do and sometimes its way more than one. Lives go through cycles and some cycles of life don't require the same goals.

Keep you eyes peeled and your mind open more, there are things out there for you to do that is good and enjoyable, and don't let your family history or even lack there of define who you are.

Blood is thicker than water but water is much more enjoyable to drink, family is who make of them and God's bloodline connects us all regardless of color, race, or country.

Be all you can be in me,

GOD

" What are you doing to your children??"

Why are you teaching incorrectly or not teaching at all your children things about God and Church?

Children learn from you and form their values and futures from what they are taught or not taught from their parents.

"COME AS YOU ARE"

A song, a motto, a lesson in the bible. The Lord doesn't care about your back grounds, your clothes, your money situations, your roots or bloodlines as long as you love Him, worship Him, follow Him.

Religious backgrounds can show themselves in what we teach our children.

If you need a point to all this it could be to not teach our children to resent God or the church, because of what you forced on them as children. The goal here is to keep them connected to Him after you are not in control of their lives anymore.

A very sad thing was told to me one day. This lady who was talking to me, told how she forced her children to dress to the "nines" and go through a pomp routine every time they went to church. Her statement was that "we have the clothes and we are going to look good to go to church. We don't live in the slums and we are not going to dress as such." Well, she didn't but she didn't have it all either. To me right there cut off all listening to this bull and set in motion this blog and a better than thou attitude from her or more likely someone so lost in her faith that she needed to be and show more than she was to be able to worship the Lord.

If you go to church just to go or to show off, then don't go at all. The ones who are truly searching for his grace and love don't need false images to guide them and get them even more lost.

Same with our children, if you raise then up to put on false images for others and a holy place then your just sending them backwards down the path of grace. The pathway to grace is long and hard enough as it is, without teaching unnecessary ideas and false teachings.

In the end if going to church is made to be such a hassle for children, then they are surely not going to keep going when they leave home, and the ones who do will only carry on the wrong and false teachings that have been melded into their brains all their lives.

Stop the false images and teachings NOW!

Learn the truth and seek the Light, it will be the only way to guarantee the future of your children's connection with God.

Teach your children to dress properly(i.e.: pants that fit, shirts that don't reveal) everyday and they are all set for church.

"Get the Message 2"

THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH THE DOOR OF CHRIST..

"Get the Message"

IF YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ANYONE HAPPY BEFORE GOD'S HAPPINESS, STOP AND START OVER AND RETHINK THAT STRATEGY.

"Count YOUR Blessings"

Being able to see what God has done for us is somewhat difficult for allot of people and not really because they aren't taking time, slowing to smell the roses but they are too busy worrying and looking at others and their blessing to keep eyes and focus on their own.

Focusing on the blessings that God has given to you and building your life on this to grow in abundance is worth far more than worrying about how someone else spends or treats the blessings God has given them.

Building up your own could and would open up an abundance of doors to help people who haven't been blessed or need to be. When you build up your blessing pool then you have placed yourself in a better position to do God's will when you allow all possible ways for you to help his children are open and available or doable.

Keeping up with the Jones' is a perfect example of this problem. What others have or how they treat or apply themselves is none of your concern and having or wanting what others have is a sure fire way to not have anything. What others have isn't usually what you need anyway.

Patience and giving more and wanting less, pays out way more and you end up with something out of it much better than you could have ever imagined.

Give when you don't have it, and you will. People have a lot of trouble tithing to the church these days because they think they can't afford to, well you can't afford not to. If you don't have a church to give to, find a legitimate charity or local organization to give to. To give to God in the bible demands a tenth of your earnings give as close as possible. Round up not down or you might as well not bother. I feel that if you give to somewhere, be it a church or the less fortunate, your giving to God as long as your helping the children of God and not yourself. He will take care of you if you take care of others first, and this does not include immediate family.

Being a care giver is defined by someone who cares for a child or an invalid, your independent adult children do not count in this. Being a giver doesn't count when the recipients are in the same house or on the same plot of land, they can take care of them selves.

To be a care giver or a giver of yourself, you must project these attributes on the helpless or the ones just needing a little step up. If your family can take care of them selves because you have raised them well and they are grown, you must realize this and let go, your job there is done.
Your gifts and generosities are needed elsewhere.

Count your own blessings not everyone else's, give till it hurts, and love what God has done and given you to be able to do his will.

GO DO IT!

"Martyrdom"

Martyrdom,

A word I've used recently to describe someone close to me.

The definition of the root word "martyr" is: the willingness to suffer or die for a reason or cause. Martyrdom then is the act there of.

The question that raised in my mind when i looked this up was the "willingness" aspect. Martyrs who kill themselves for a cause, for example kamikaze pilots or suicide bombers are just lost souls who need way more guidance than what we could ever come close to giving them and they do without respect for themselves or others willingly do these acts to harm or kill.

Martyrs who chose not to go the death route, want to suffer or put themselves through such torment for something or reason are usually victims of their own unrealistic, destructive self and ideas, or not strong enough to stand alone against someone trying to destroy them for the their own cause and not the cause or respect for the sufferer(the one performing th task/s) or the ones who have to deal with or be around the sufferer.

My martyrdom issues and questions stem from people who play the martyr either for attention or because its all they allow themselves to know.

The one person in a group who has to be the heavy, the one out front, the blues man, the stick in the mud, causing discomfort and unhappiness to all around especially when in a group has gathered for a fun or joyous occasion.

Nothing makes this type of person happy when they are like this and it seems that they are not happy unless they are unhappy. No matter what anyone does to make things better or to cheer them up is not enough, cause then of course they get more attention when they are acting this way than they think they do when they are being civil and on the same keel as all around them.

Is this a conscious act or do they even know they do it due to life practices and or habits?

A person who stays in the negative of things and life are bound to have adverse affects from this after a certain length of time. Self depressions, negative/dark attitudes, harshness towards others, paranoia toward others and self, self destructive thinking are all link to why people lose loved ones and friends in their life to the point that no one wants to be around this type person.
No one in any right mind wants to be around a negative person or one who presents with any of these qualities, especially when they are happy and would like to truly enjoy it or spread it around. A martyr would not allow the happiness to be spread or would at least attempt to throw some kind of wrench in the mood.

A martyr can bust happy bubbles faster than anything and the bad thing is that they usually do not do it intentionally and are unaware they held the "pin" that spoiled the whole mood or event.

So what causes this type of person, life issues, habits, other people's influences, or self destruction. Probably a whole lot of all of it is the cause of these attitudes and personalities, but the key to it all though is that it's the fault of the person doing these things that they are not better people. Sure you may not have a choice in who you hang around with, live with or certain situations that happen, allot of things in life are not controlled by us, but the way we receive these situations and deal with them till they are gone IS our problem and responsibility.

there is no one to blame for the things about and in your life that you don't like or cause you to do things that aren't right. It's YOUR life not theirs and the only one thats going to make things the way you want them is God and YOU not anyone else.

If you don't like something CHANGE it, if you want something WORK for it, all things are possible with God and you can do all things through God and only God and yourself. He's not going to hand it to you and no one else will either, a nudge here and there, a hand here and there but YOU have to WORK to get done what needs to be done. Do it for yourself and only for yourself, no one else matters when it comes to being who YOU and God want you to be.

Stop sulking, stop depressing yourself and everyone around you and get off your butt and GO. Go do what God wants you to, not what your family wants you to, or what you think people want you to.

Stop using others, events or losses as your crutch to life. Live life as God and the ones who've gone on before want you to do, especially the ones who didn't get to live to fullness here on earth. They live where they are now, but God put us here to LIVE first.

GIVE, LOVE, LIVE

"Gods Grace"

God does not take what you or anyone else thinks about him personally, so why should you?

God gives his grace to all people no matter what they have said or done to him. we are made in his image and that doesn't mean that we are going to be walking around with long white beards and large hands that could rule the world.

Gods image is inside and unseen, unless it's shown to the world by your own grace through him.
The "Holy spirit", ever heard of it? Well, that is what God gave us when he made us and reinforced by sending his unfailing love to us in his Son who died so that we could live in spiritual freedom.

Gods grace flows all over and needs to be spread even further. Giving Gods grace is not a simple task to do for him, but it's one that MUST be performed in order to turn people around and put them on a right track of following the Lord Jesus.

Grace MUST fall on people who are negative, hateful, mean, less understanding or stubborn, full of evil. Even the most dreadful person to be around can be turned by the grace of God, but it has to be given by us in order to help them see what grace that God gives to them everyday in life.

A person who lived in solitude or in less than perfect conditions growing up is going to be the hardest ones to turn unless they are grabbed at an early age to know and trust in the love of God. This type of person is going to try to lead a normal life despite their upbringing but will not stray to far from what they know and are comfortable with. Then, sometimes this type of person tries to lead their life down a path that is better and what they think they want their life to be like, then it can all of a sudden not be a comfortable place to be for them because they don't understand feelings that happen or situations that they get them selves into. So they lash out in certain ways that may end up being put offish and mean to others, especially others that are trying to care about them.

This is where the grace of God is the only thing thats going to work to make things better, because if that person has never known grace, then they need to learn to live with it. Love of family is a strong bond and a perfect example of Gods grace. We love unconditionally and blood has no lines, where then someone who has never received the true love of family or grace will not have any comprehension or relativity to understand, which makes them uncomfortable with receiving the love. Which usually results in hurt feelings, pushing ones away and the lack of understanding by the ones serving the grace.

Beware though that this could take a long time, depending on the time that person has spent with out grace and love. It can be a long haul and very frustrating to the ones who serve. Brick walls pave the way and we just need to arm ourselves with a sledge hammer of Gods Grace to break them down has they happen.

Never take negativity and hatefulness personally because you may not be the only one who is treated this way, most times if we get ourselves caught in the line of fire during their bad moment it would appear that its personally directed, but in reality everyone would be treated this way by the negative person because its all they know. Why do we get caught in the cross fire by them, its probably because we are the best suited to give Gods grace to that person at that time and we should never turn down a chance to say "I LOVE YOU!" to someone who has in no certain words just said "I Hate You!"..

Love thy friend and neighbor but LOVE you enemy more(they need it)..